Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
