I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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