you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just found puke in my bra..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
