I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
