youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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