do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
