He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
