if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
