Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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