You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
