I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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