Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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