Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
