I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
