eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
