Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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