Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize