Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
