: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
