my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
