Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
