Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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