How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
