I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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