Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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