I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
