Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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