Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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