I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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