I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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