Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
