i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
