turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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