Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
