It's like God shit irony all over that family
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize