Welp...herpes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
