What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
