Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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