Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
