I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Your dad touched me again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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