All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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