I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
