Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize