She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
