I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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