My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
