Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
