A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
