you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm at about main and main street
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
