i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
