Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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