my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
