just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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