is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
