Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
