I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
