Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
