Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
