You're my little dorito
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
