i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
