I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
