Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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