i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
