I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
