so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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