Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
being pregnant is like rehab
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
