hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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