I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
