The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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