Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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