ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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