Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
