i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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