what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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