halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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