i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
