New invention idea: vibrating tampons
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
