I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
